I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
