A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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