I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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