no, he came in my armpit
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
