Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
