So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
