woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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