sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
