I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What drink are we having for lunch?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need a beard to bite.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
