so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
