when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
