We named our party play list daddy issues
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
