I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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