Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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