In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
