ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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