i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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