Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
