People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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