The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
