k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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