uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
