can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
