I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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