Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
