I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
