You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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