The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
