You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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