I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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