What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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