Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
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She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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