If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
