im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
