in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is classic penis vs brain.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
