bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
