How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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