don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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