the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
