I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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