Can i not drive my cunt home
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize