hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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