And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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