It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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