then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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