I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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