don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
