hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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