I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize