I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
