so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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