Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
