Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
