I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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