I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
