Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
