the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
