The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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