Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
