Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
