I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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