Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
