I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
