Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
