No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
