This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize