We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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