Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
