we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
