Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
